New beginnings.

DEEP BREATHS.

Tomorrow is the day...

I'm moving back to San Jose. I say deep breaths because I'm leaving so many important people who are in Stockton. The people who have been there for me to lean on for support and yes, that includes Steven. As the day has been creeping up it's been pretty surreal. I don't have to do the commute for 4 hours a day. I can actually get back into a gym routine. I can do anything my little heart desires! Oh, the options are endless. It's scary and exhilarating all at once and it all came together like a perfect puzzle. I didn't expect to buy a car, find a place to live, and move back to San Jose all within a month. BUT, here I am. I am happy. Yes, I have the occasional rough days but they make the great days that much better to enjoy. I am so excited to start this new experience. I know that if I cry tomorrow it's not because I'm sad - it's because I am going to live MY life. I've never had the opportunity to make decisions for myself or live on my own. I've only ever thought about myself and Steven as a whole. I don't mean for that to sound bad or filled with regret at all, but it was my life for the last 6 years and it's weird it's not my future. It will be overwhelming. I am thankful for all of the experiences from the last 8.5 months in Stockton. It was a blessing to build on so many relationships and friendships with people who were always, or have become, some of the most important people in my life. I will miss the luxury of living in the same town as my family and friends. I'm leaving behind the good, bad and sad memories but will make new ones in a place I know and love. I'm reaaaaadddddyyyyyyyyyyyy!

My BHAG (<- work term) from my blog is to let others know it's okay to make decisions for your own life and that you'll be okay for it in the end. Yep, it might suck and not everyone will be understanding. They'll get over it. Does that outweigh the decision and/or feeling of regret? Can you live with not knowing what might have happened had you taken that chance for yourself? I don't want to be the person that encourages others into a decision based on my own experiences. Every situation is different and in no way do I want to encourage anyone to go through this process. That being said...if I could give advice to any person who is my age and thinking about taking that next step or is already planning to, I would ask them these questions and tell them to have these conversations with their significant others. These questions suck and they're hard, but they are real and they make you think. I wish I talked about these sooner because it could have turned out very different (hindsight). If there's any reason for doubt, listen and trust your gut. Take the time to talk it out, dissect it, and make sure it's right for you. Be positive and as my dad would say, get on with your good life!

• Are you content with YOURSELF and where you're at?
• Are you ready? And do you think your partner is? Have that discussion. Talk about your fears. Don't be afraid to wait if that's what feels right. When everyone is asking "have you set a date" or constantly nagging about the details of the wedding, that doesn't mean you have to rush to get everything done. There is NO winning there. I had everything done 6 months out...and....yeah. Waiting is not a bad thing.
• Think about the person you're contemplating marriage with. Now think about the things you dislike most about that person. Can you live with that the rest of your life? Think about the things you dislike most about yourself in the relationship. Can you work through those things? Do the good things outweigh the bad, and are the bad things deal breakers? 
• Do premarital counseling and do it sooner rather than later. Honestly, I would do it before you ever set a date, but it's never too late if you aren't married yet.
• Have you had the serious conversations like: 
• What would happen if we broke up?
• What would happen if one of you cheated? You might be surprised at the answers to this one.
• Do you trust each other? Do you feel like you're trusted?
• How well do you communicate?
• Are you honest with one another? 
• Why are you marrying each other? What does marriage mean to you both? Say these out loud.
• What are you going to do to be the couple that stays together for 60+ years? These stats are scary as shit.
• Marriage rate: 6.8 per 1,000 total population
• Divorce rate: 3.6 per 1,000 population